On Sunday we went to spread Moms ashes. It was windy as all hell & cool. Made for the walk down stressful. I kept thinking Omg, these ashes are going to blow everywhere. They didn't. Had a great group of people with us so that made it easier. I waded out into the water and poured them out. We had to keep some to spread on top of my Dad's grave so I just couldn't dump the entire bag which was a challenge in the wind. I also had flowers that I was going to throw out all "pretty" like so they would float. That didn't go as planned. I wanted to remove myself from the situation so badly I just dumped the whole bag of flowers out & booked it back to shore. I don't really remember doing it, just hearing the sound of her ashes coming out of the bag. It felt like I didn't breathe the entire time I was out there. As soon as I got back on the beach we all saw 2 dolphins just swimming by. I don't know where they came from, they just showed up right in front of where I put her. It was amazingly beautiful. Dolphins are such amazing creatures. So graceful. Seeing them was normal when I was a kid in the boat. Dad would hand feed them mullet from the side of the boat, or throw them bait we had. He would always follow them when he was bait fishing with his net, since when they came up deep in the inter-coastal they were mainly feeding and would round most fish up. It was so much fun and I just remember being silent watching them. I still get that way. It's like you don't want to make a sound so they don't go away...I dunno. They're just amazing. Same level as sea turtles & manta rays in my mind. Love Love Love them.
On the walk back, I went to wash my hands in the water. I couldn't tell if I had ashes or sand on my hands and it was freaking me out. So I bent down into the water...off comes my engagement ring. The wind + the current made it impossible to find. Nate and his bro went out today looking for it. Nothing. It's gone forever. I can't put into words how completely heartbroken I am about it.
If I was meant to lose it why did it have to be that day? Why the same fucking day? Washing your dead Mom's ashes off your hand and lose your engagement ring...who the hell does shit like this happen to??? Really universe? I'm honestly not that awful of a person to have so much weird shit happen and bad luck. Ugh. I understand it's just a ring, just a material item. I didn't lose my finger or something not replaceable....but Jesus.
This place holds more memories than I could ever write. Hopefully she is swimming with the dolphins...and Dad.
0 comments:
Post a Comment