Neuro Visit

Neurologist visit on Monday was sorta better than expected.  
I was dreading it-especially since I refused the EMG. (nerve conduction) 
The nurse asks you all the main questions before the Dr. comes in and was like "So, why haven't you had it done yet?" I told her my thoughts, which she couldn't argue, but did say "You know he might not want to see you anymore...". Yeah, wonderful. I wanted to give her a really bitchy thumbs up...but I didn't.
He came in, was impressed with my continued weight loss and even asked for advice. (I'm down 55lbs since Christmas!) Before any of the office tests he gives me...he said it would be in my best interest to get the test done, but said I'm improving so it's really not necessary at the moment. I was SUPER pumped! 
He started doing the "push-pull" tests like normal...then poked me with a safety pin..all was going great....until my friggin feet. Couldn't feel the pin on the bottoms. I guess I didn't notice that I really have lost sensation in the bottom of my feet. He sat down and said I should reallly get the test now. Something I've put off for the past 6 months because my feet weren't numb anymore I really have to do now. 
The next day my feet went completely numb. They have been sorta normal since like February....so I guess I'm on this weird couple month cycle with numbness. They're pretty numb now...can't really feel texture at all....weird.as.hell. 
My back has been hurting in like the center for almost 2 weeks...I don't know what it's caused from. I helped Nate put Dylan's pool together for his birthday and kinda picked up the box....so I'm hoping that's it. The only ever back pain I've had has been caused by MS. Of course me being me...I think I'm dying of cancer. 
I made myself an appt for Tuesday before my test for my General Dr. I gotta get myself under control. I over-think EVERYTHING and dwell on Everything and always am waiting for something bad to happen. IE..back pain instantly leads to cancer diagnosis. My brain is stupid.
 I guess since the past 9 years of my life have been an insane shit storm....I just expect the worse. I've got to get myself under control. 
I should be so very happy with my life right now and living it to the fullest instead of focusing on the bad that has already happened or will happen. 

On another note....I went into a MS chat room the other day to ask some questions about the Nerve conduction test. Everyone asked what DMD I was on...I told them all none. Not worth the risk to me. Being disabled later in life will be a cake walk to what I've already been through and the damn medicine doesn't prevent it anyhow...it just has 30% possible chance of delaying what will inevitably happen. Those people went INFUCKINGSANE. OMG. I've never felt so awful about this hard ass decision not to take medicine ever. I thought I was going to puke. They all went off & said how I will be regretting my decision in 6-10 years when I can't walk, talk, drive, or feed myself. How I'll be a prisoner to this disease and be a burden to everyone I love. How I won't be able to function on my own and be essentially paralyzed. Fuck you crazy ass people. Go ahead and shoot up that poison. My decision is MY decision. I won't ever regret not taking that crap. Ever. I didn't want to throw them all into more of tornado of shit talking by telling them I will never take steroids either....they would've lost their damn minds I'm sure. 
I take medicine for diabetes because it works. I take medicine for a headache or cold, because it works. I WILL NOT take that shit until it's proven what causes this disease....or at least sorta figured out. Guess who's never going to a MS meeting group thing... I don't know how I would deal hearing all that negative bullshit face to face.
Oh yeah...way to go universe for picking a celebrity (other than Montel Williams) to have this disease. Maybe Jack Osbourne will get it more exposure...more funding...more everything. Sucks he had to join in of course, but maybe it'll turn out being a goodish thing...? Who knows.