A couple weeks ago I called my Mom's Oncologist (who was also my Dad's) to see if he could shed any light for me about her dying so suddenly...
She was diagnosed on January 15 after passing out- a trip to the ER showed 5 brain tumors, a massive lung tumor that was actually compressing her bronchial tubes, and some small ones by her adrenal glands. She died 3 weeks to the day from diagnosis. After 10 days of whole brain radiation.
He called me back the other night. He had some things to say about her, since he has known my family for so long. He knew how optimistic she was. How head strong she was, and the fact that she could have control over a room in 30 seconds. That he felt like when she spoke to him, she had a sense of peace about her. That she wasn't scared of dying, and in fact, she was open to the idea. Not in the morbid fact of I wanna die, but not scared of it at all, and maybe like it would be better than the treatments and suffering. Not wanting to leave us behind, but happy in the sense because of who would be waiting for her.
Her tumors in her brain we Gigantic. One of them completely moved over her left hemisphere. He said they probably were extremely aggravated by the radiation, and they were probably bleeding. He never said the would aneurysm, but I believe that's what he meant. I don't know if that's the answer I was looking for...or what I really wanted to get from calling him...just sucks I couldn't have spent a little more time. Learned a few more things...got more pictures of her and Dylan...the whole 9.
I do hold on to the hope that her and my Dad are together. She wasn't the same after his passing anyhow. I believe in a place where when you die, your souls go to be with the ones you've always loved. I believe there is a God, a very loving God, which most humans will never understand. I believe that He shapes you and influences you to be more like him. I believe that's what it's about. An immense love that no one will understand until they're back there. I believe that He does give you tests in your life to see what you'll make out of them; to see how your heart is during those tribulations. Then when you're back with him, and others you love, you will learn and shape your soul. I do not believe that everyone who isn't a Christian is in hell. I could go on & on...but I won't.
That's my belief anyhow.
I'll be judged, and that's ok. It's human nature.
So with all that said, I am holding onto the hope of being able to see them together again, to catch up, maybe give them a hard time for leaving me so soon. Leaving us so soon.
After talking to her Dr, I do feel more at ease I guess. More ok with the fact that she is gone. I'll see her again, so I'll be ok until then-holding on to that hope.
I love talking religion. I don't know a lot about it per se, but I do love hearing how others interpret it. Everyone has a different interpretation about religion. No ones views are the same, no matter what religion, lack of, or denomination of Christianity.
On another note-Today is Massage Day!!! :)
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